My lappy decided not to run off the wall power anymore and subsequently died. It was the saddest thing ever because that laptop was my favorite tool ever.
And then I got a new laptop. Which kind of makes me sad still.

The only way to get my laptop up and running properly right now is to replace the motherboard, which takes a little time and effort, but because of its age, the fix is pretty cheap.

And it'll fix the other mobo problems I was having with it. e.g. speakers and broken usb ports.

And then my laptop will be a zombie.
Even though I have enough money to replace the mobo immediately, I owe 650$ on my new laptop which I have to pay off first. (which I can pay off right now but choose not too because I have no interest for 20 days, and I get paid before that.) But that way, I can keep money in the bank and build up my credit rating through a military credit card.
Adult life sucks.

So, I'm going continue to mope about my old laptop, while playing around on my spiffy new one (Which is a little hypocritical.)
And when I get my debt settled, I'm going to Zombify my old laptop and re-install linux, making it pretty hardcore.

</random>

I have trouble sleeping sometimes, and I think I've figured out why. Every night i think about what I wasn't able to do. I think about not having accomplished anything. I don't feel like I've failed, I just don't feel like I've done anything significant.

Now, by significant. I probably don't mean anything important to the world. I'm in USAF, by being here I'm changing the world. (which might not seem like much, but you should see how much tax money goes into a single person being here.)

I want to do something else right now, and I'm not sure what that is. I've plenty of free time to figure that out though.

This goes back to serendipity. I need inspiration methinks. What is inspiring?

Boredom is fun! >_>

stolen from who stole it from

100 Things You Might Not Know About Me...
answer these questions then tag 10 people to do the same.

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Applies to mostly all the scars on my arms: Taco Bell Grills are treacherous. And HOT, very very hot.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
I'm not allowed to put things on my walls. there are however scuffs and footprints from the last tenant.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
The dentist told me that I clench/grind in my sleep, but he never brought me any proof. I then became afraid of dentists watching me sleep at night.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Anything, as long as it isn't crap or country. (which is a lie, because if there's a REALLY good country song I might listen to it.)

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
Yes I do. :3

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
To Sing.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
My cat. He's a Maine Coon, who's huge and fluffy, and he misses me too.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
I don't think I have one.. o_O
But for the sake of having an answer: My Laptop, I got it when I graduated high school. It is now literally falling apart, but it still works.

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
Tall? I'm 5'5".

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Sometimes.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
I get claustrophobic in the dark.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
[intentionally left blank]

13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Doing something stupid that will unintentionally lead everybody with in a 100 foot radius to their demise.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Dark Brown eyes bother me for some reason. I dunno why. besides that: meh.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
Proposing? Propose what?

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
a 5 hour energy shot. Inside of a Java Monster.

17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Mushrooms are good, so are anchovies.

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A Giant Burger, medium.

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Pink

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
Have you? O_O?

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
I dunno. My family got me a binder full of paper, envelopes, pens and stamps so I could write them when I went to bmt.

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
Shuuu... I can crush Energy Drink cans with my bare handsss...

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
My thumbs are.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
I don't think I do, no.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
87

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
wasn't this question up there? *points*

32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
I don't remember my favorite quote..

this one comes to mind today for some reason:
"They made up their minds, and they started packing.
They left before the sun came up that day.

They just drove off and left it all behind them.
But where were they going without ever knowing the way."
~The Way, Fastball.


33. FAVORITE PLACE?
Don't think I really have one.

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
Yes to Canadia.

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Shots.

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
Never, I saw Dolly Parton once tho.

37. FIRST JOB?
Taco Bell.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Nope.

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?
Some people do not.

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Sleeping.

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
nooo

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My Eyelashes. (I'm srs)

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
Nope.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I dunno, something surprising, I guess.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES?
Dunno, and, Dunno.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My First name is after uhh... I forget. A great grandfather whom I never met I think, and my middle name is my Grandfathers (sorta). And my last name is uhm... I'm not sure where it comes from.

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Stupidity. Not accidence, I'm talking about ignorance. People who know they don't know and refuse to learn. Not can't learn, deliberately refuse.

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKE(D) ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
Getting out to do something fun, like art.

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
Just about anything that has that "oceany" or "waterfally" smell to it.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes, although I can't vouch for the people who have to read it.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Turkey?

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Yes.

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
Uhmm... Yes.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I dunno, I'd have to meet me on a Non-Biased basis first.

55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
Do I agree on benefits? not if the other person is agreeing on other friends with benefits.
That's just disgusting.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Yes. You have to look like you can at least take care of yourself.
If you can't to do that then. meh.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
First I get stressed out, and then I go into a coma, after which I suffer from over-sleep and I eventually break down mentally.

But I started going to the gym. Punching bags help A LOT.

58.WOULD YOU RATHER GAIN 58 POUNDS OR LOSE 58 POUNDS.
Neither, I like my current weight...

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Lego, Nintendo, Stuffed animals.

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
somewhere in the ballpark of 15-20.

62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
When I Was littler I did, and then he just got gay.

63. Do you use sarcasm?
All the time. I love sarcasm. It's my Favorite.

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Both, on the same plate. On top of each other.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Intelligence, and Easy-going-ness.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Xero, Moses, and Trainee.

67. FAVORITE SUPER POWER?
(everybody picks this) Flying.
Or Super-Strength/Metabolism.

68. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
What is TV? That thing before the computer that I haven't watched in a long time? House, probably.
Although there's this old 70's TV Show that's called Kung-Fu. I found it a borders one day. Its freaking sweet.

69.WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
Light their brains on fire.

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
French Vanilla. or Jamocha.

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
I think so... *counts*( ..19..20)

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
Well, duh.

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
I have night classes. So, I'll be at school.

74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?
Dunno.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
EVERYONE.
No, this sucks.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
Announcements over the PA system. seriously, there's a lot of em. Keeps me up at night, err... 6 in the morning.

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
Water

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?.
My Uncle Rosco, whom I literally met for the first time in my conscious life yesterday.

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Personality.

80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
Lots of things, but sleep is a little high on that list and has to be moved.

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
Sarcasm.

82. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR?
This, I found out recently, depends entirely on where you live.

83. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?
How can you have a Favorite Candy?

84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
I dunno. I've got best friends. but... hmm..

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Dark Brown

86. EYE COLOR?
Hazel. They change color sometimes.

87. SHOE SIZE?
8.5w

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
No.

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
Buffets.

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
YES.

91. WATCH TV TODAY?
nuh uh.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Any day, it depends on what happens.

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
I started playing the keyboard and took a week to try to learn the guitar. I'm sad I don't have the motivation to try and learn more.

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
Republicrat.
Or
Demolican.

you choose.

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Depends entirely on the situation.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Nuh uh.

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
The Watchmen DVD, Shoes, and mechanical pencils.

98. WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSEWIFE?
It's possible, I don't ever see it happening. But it's possible.

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
24 days to becoming a better leader. (srs)

100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE:
Eh... Love, Life? I don't have time for that.


I would not wish this thing on anybody. So I'm not tagging anybody.

For the longest time, I was a frustrated individual.

Because of the frustration I lashed out at many people, and I got angry at many things. Simple things that had never bothered me before began to annoy the hell out of me, and I began putting things to the side. I started ignoring things, just because I couldn't stand it. I became an emotional wreck.

I lost the things that made me feel most at ease, and I pushed many more out of sight. I let my own chagrin get the best of me. And I literally started floating along, I tried grasping at the things I thought made me feel better, but like small fragile twigs, they snapped and I washed out further.
I think I hadn't taken the time to build anything strong enough before.

I realize now what it was that had bothered me so much, and I know what had broken because of it.
Now that all of that is put to the side. I wonder what I can do to repair all the damage I had caused.
I look through the pieces and wonder what if it's possible to put anything back together.

And right now, even though I'm having trouble seeing what can be fixed. In a long time, I'm truly optimistic about the future.


P.s.
The most important thing to note is that, simply put, I did this to myself. And I don't want anybody thinking that they (or anyone) had any hand in making me as depressed as I was.

When you are an arrogant prick. Or rather, were an arrogant prick.

And the last time you tried to apologize you ended up insulting and cursing at the other party. *sigh*

I probably am still an arrogant prick. Oh well. can't be helped. *shrug*

I had more to write, but I think this'll do.